Quick Update

I have a very tight schedule and no time to post this right now, but I just need to type this down.

They're back!

They're back in my life for the time being.
Yes, more lame excuses, but sincere and genuine, as usual. So I'll forgive and try to forget, yet again.
I'm happy, but am not expecting much. My heart can only take so much, so I'll try to pace myself so I won't fall so hard again, but I hope that they will stick around and not let me down.

Thinking Things over...:/

I'm considering leaving you as you are, just as I did with him. I was so convinced that I was in love with him. I knew he didn't love me though. I stopped trying to see if he would make an effort. He made none. We haven't spoken in months. That's just how it is. Occasionally I'll think of him. I don't miss him though. I don't miss being unappreciated. At the time I couldn't live without him, but now I am and I'm doing just fine.
I found you and thought that everything was alright once again, my friend, the guy that's there to listen to me. You have so many things in common with him, but you're so much better too. With him, I made all the effort. With you, you always make the first move. You're more of a man than he'll ever be even though you act more like a child than he.
Times have changed, looking back I see how much I've grown up and I know that I'll just keep growing. I'm not going to make the same mistakes that I made with him. Sometimes I wonder if you care, always breaking your promises. I know that's just how you are, but sometimes it hurts seeing the real you.
I don't know what I want. I almost want to be rid of you. You're not part of my here and now. You're far away, but I don't want to let you go. Who else do I have? I don't want to waste my time though. But I hate being alone. I want to be with you again, I want to hear the truth. I can handle it, I just need to know what it is, or what it was. I'm afraid your mind might or has changed. I'm not sure what I want to hear, but I want to hear something, so I can stop wondering, so I can make peace, let myself fall for you, or let you go. Right now it's all in your hands...I have little choice. If you let me go, it's your own fault due to your own errors.
I've come to accept that I never loved him, I had merely made an idol out of him. You're a hope, a somewhat attainable dream, a desire, a fantasy. I know I don't love you though. Back then I thought I was so in love, I felt so strongly for him, and now knowing that it was nothing near love, I can only imagine how forceful and life changing love really is and I look forward to the day I find it.

Caught in the In-between

A friend said to give it a month. Give my feelings a months to sort themselves out. It's been about two weeks, and I'm lost, more than ever before. I'd call it love because I didn't know what else to say, but now I'm surrounded by people other than you, and I see that there's other options, but no one can compare to you. With everyday that passes by, everyday that you don't talk to me, I feel us slipping apart, my feelings fading, leaving me hopelessly confused. I'm clinging to previously felt emotions, and I don't know how long I can hang on.
I'm happy right now, I am. You're not really in my life right now. You still matter to me, it still hurts when you break your promises, but I've just come to accept it I guess. Is that good or bad? Will I always settle for less? Right now is a confused time though, I know that one day things will make sense.