For Myself

Sometimes you just need to do things for yourself.
So I wrote a poem, I poured out my heart, how I was feeling and I put it online. No one seemed to even read it. I mean, that's kinda disheartening, I really wanted people to read it and be like "Hey, you're right!"
It was an uplifting poem. I don't write those everyday.
It was actually good. Not that usual crap.
But whatever.
I needed to write it for myself.
I needed to put it out there. To take that chance.
It was about people caring, just not being able to show it.
They care. They just don't know how to show it.
I'll love them anyways. The world is a sad, confused, place. Right now I'll just have it out there for myself and for anyone else who might read it and benefit from it, but remain silent because of all our social tendencies and cliques.

It's sorta like blogging.
You do it for yourself.
You can't do it for the numbers.
They won't come.
They just won't.
So do it for yourself.



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Just Plain, Just Existing

Do you ever feel like sometimes no one is seeing for you really are; like you're invisible? Do you ever feel plain and unworthy? Do you feel like you're just surviving? Well, I feel like that quite often anyways, though I try not to when I can help it. There are few people I talk to, it's just my fate that I'm not usually surrounded by the people I want to be. Most of my day I spend silently, cynically, watching. I watch other people with friends laugh and socialize. I just watch. I don't even really try to jump in. Maybe that's my own fault. But they have their friends, I have mine, they're just never around...
I don't like being looked at as the loner all the time. It bothers me how there will be plenty of people who sit quietly in class by themselves, and they're not accused of being strange, yet I am. Why me? I'm awkward and I know it. I'm insecure about every move I make. I'm afraid to even reach into my bag. That's how bad things are at times. I don't like most other people. I don't know why I let the fear of their opinion bother me so much. I'm striving to just attack life head on and act as I please, though still with moral decision of course. I just am tired of feeling constrained; not being who I am.
I feel like I'm in a rut. I wake up the same time, arrive the same time, eat at the same times all everyday. I'm blending in to the dreary pattern of life. I want to be fully submerged into every moment, fully awake, fully alive. I don't want to be this walking zombie. I don't want to be awkward and weird like everyone thinks I am. I want them to see me for who I really am. I don't know why I don't let them. I don't like them anyway. I've never fit in, why do I act like I'm trying to?
I hadn't even intended to write about this topic. It' always on my mind...I could go on forever...it's odd how I'd been having a pretty decent day, then out of the blue I felt invisible once again...
One day the world will see me.

End of Summer Ties

Summer should be spent with friends. Maybe not everyday, but every summer you have to have one of those nights you spend just talking for hours on end. Laugh at jokes, cry at heartache, give advice, just be there and listen to one another. Find those people who have your back and are willing to support you. This group will most likely gain and lose a few members over time, but never give up faith in your friends. 

Surround yourself with people who love you for who you truly are, people who think you're beautiful despite all your flaws. Once someone else can tell you it, you can start to believe it yourself. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You're lovable in every way. 

You're going to come across a few rotten apples, some people who try to bring you down. Don't fall with them though. People change and there's little you can do about it. You can't let yourself live in the past. You're so much better off without certain people. Everything happens for a reason. Yell at them if they deserve it, but never become one of them. Embrace yourself fully, who you are, who you can be. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough. Ban together with your friends, with yourself if no one else, and enjoy the battle. Enjoy standing up for yourself. The world's against you, but hey, you've found yourself and that's all that really matters. You can't let yourself conform to the hate. Love yourself, love others, love everything. Love them despite the things they say and do. Love that they hate you. You're better then them. You know you are.