Awkward Cute?

So this post basically describes many moments of my life: texting that one person you really like, but you can't think of anything to say. And it's really awkward. And sad. And cute. Because you want to tell them your thoughts on absolutely every and anything, but you're so afraid of boring them or not saying the right thing that your mind just totally blanks and you give the most horrible and dull replies. And it's all because you like them so much. And it's cute too when you know that the same thing is happening to them. How you'll promise to text each other the next day even though you've already run out of things to say. But there's so many things you want to tell them, you just want to hear from them, be with them in that sense. There's such a strong desire, but that childish awkwardness, the cute innocent blushing little couple that love each other, but don't know how to express it.

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/the-dos-and-donts-of-new-relationships

Just Plain, Just Existing

Do you ever feel like sometimes no one is seeing for you really are; like you're invisible? Do you ever feel plain and unworthy? Do you feel like you're just surviving? Well, I feel like that quite often anyways, though I try not to when I can help it. There are few people I talk to, it's just my fate that I'm not usually surrounded by the people I want to be. Most of my day I spend silently, cynically, watching. I watch other people with friends laugh and socialize. I just watch. I don't even really try to jump in. Maybe that's my own fault. But they have their friends, I have mine, they're just never around...
I don't like being looked at as the loner all the time. It bothers me how there will be plenty of people who sit quietly in class by themselves, and they're not accused of being strange, yet I am. Why me? I'm awkward and I know it. I'm insecure about every move I make. I'm afraid to even reach into my bag. That's how bad things are at times. I don't like most other people. I don't know why I let the fear of their opinion bother me so much. I'm striving to just attack life head on and act as I please, though still with moral decision of course. I just am tired of feeling constrained; not being who I am.
I feel like I'm in a rut. I wake up the same time, arrive the same time, eat at the same times all everyday. I'm blending in to the dreary pattern of life. I want to be fully submerged into every moment, fully awake, fully alive. I don't want to be this walking zombie. I don't want to be awkward and weird like everyone thinks I am. I want them to see me for who I really am. I don't know why I don't let them. I don't like them anyway. I've never fit in, why do I act like I'm trying to?
I hadn't even intended to write about this topic. It' always on my mind...I could go on forever...it's odd how I'd been having a pretty decent day, then out of the blue I felt invisible once again...
One day the world will see me.

People in Your Life

When you're struggling, God always finds a way to cheer you up. Today I was in a rather sour mood. I was sick and annoyed by everyone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I rarely see my friends, but I wasn't even talking to them. I felt like I didn't have anything to say and nothing to offer. But then of course when I didn't feel like talking to anyone, they texted me, sent me video chat calls, chat messages...I can't help but give into that. And now I'm happy. I know a few half decent people who every once in a while can cheer me up. God always sends us what we need even when we don't think it's what we want. He's always looking out for us. Never lose faith in His Love. Never give up hope. I may not be as close as I want to be to God, but as long as I keep my mind and heart opened to His transformations, everything will be alright.

Also, if you're interested, I invite you to take a look at my blog Weird Lame Interesting Awesome...Life: http://weirdlameinterestingawesomelife.blogspot.com/. I've recently re-purposed it, if you will. It includes more detailed accounts of events happening in my life and my thoughts on them in a more casual tone.

Thank you for reading!