Beautiful

Never let anyone make you feel ugly. You are beautiful just the way you are.
First of all, it should just be put out there that I'm a horribly self-loathing-narcissist. Half the time I think I'm disgustingly ugly, the other half I think I'm gorgeous.
Beauty is really just an opinion, a mindset, in a way. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Everyone has their own definition of beauty. If you compare yourself to others you're going to get nowhere. Maybe if you're in a room of unhygienic people you'll feel beautiful. But perhaps if you're in a room filled with super models you'll feel ugly. A lot has to do with surroundings. True beauty comes from yourself though, the condition of your soul, your personality, and you present yourself to the world. Beauty through confidence shines brighter than through any appearance.
I've had people tell me that I'm ugly to my face. It's something that no one wants to hear and something that no one should have to. Maybe it doesn't sound that bad, but when people tell you that while you're still growing up, you'll believe it. I've lived my life believing that half the time I'm ugly, half the time that I'm beautiful, because people like my grandparents or older people would tell me that I was beautiful, while others told me or made me feel the opposite. But when you're growing up, who do you listen to, people your age, or older people? You're going to listen to the popular outspoken people your own age, because you fear them because they make you believe that they are superior.
If I could name one feature about myself that I like, I'd say that I like my smile. I like to smile. I like being happy. If I could transfer the confidence and radiance I have when I smile at myself in the mirror or at a friend, my whole life would be different. I compare myself to others though. I let myself be influenced by the people around me. I let myself believe that I'm not as good as them, not as pretty; ugly.
I'm going to change though. I'm not going to live my life any longer in fear of what others think, because in all honesty no one really cares. Everyone's so wrapped in themselves, you could really mean less to most people. You need to live for yourself, love yourself, until love is sewn into your destiny. Don't get me wrong though, you need to help others, trust others, but you must learn to love yourself first. Treat yourself and others as God would.
You are beautiful, you are God's child. You are made in His Image. Never forget it. You can shine because God's Light is within you. You just need to let it out and lead the way for others.

Enjoying Life in the Present?

You know how you'll look back and think "oh, those were good times then...if only I had known it at the time..."? I was thinking about that today as I went out to play tennis, and I thought to myself, what does it take to truly live in the moment and enjoy it? I feel like I always have some doubt, some inhibition, in the back of my mind, something holding me back from truly living life happily. I don't know what it takes to live in the moment. Maybe it's to just let go and to let yourself be happy. Sometimes you do need to force yourself to be happy, I realize this.
As I walked out to the courts I noticed my surroundings. There I was, playing tennis. I wasn't that good, but I was getting better all the time. Under the shady trees with the cool autumn breeze and temperatures rolling in, life was beautiful. Autumn had arrived and taken over the summer. We have no say, but this change was welcome to me. Summer slipped away before my eyes. So my life will do the same if I don't take some action to make life mean something. There I stood looking out at the quiet suburban streets. Life was alright. It wasn't as bad as I was always making it seem. My life was and is not perfect, and it never will be. I need to accept this, and let myself live as well as I possibly can in every moment. I don't want my life to be one big regret of all the hate I felt, all the happiness I deprived myself of, and I won't let it end up that way.