Monday, June 18, 2012

What does it matter?

All I can think about as tears form in my eyes is that I love you and that you're probably never going to love me. I don't know why, but I'm angry at you. I'm angry knowing that you'll never love me. I'm angry that you ever made me fall in love, to put me through this again, for leading me on as much as you have. I can't blame you for everything, no I can't. But why does this have to happen to me again? Why do we have to have an age? Why are we being assigned numbers? Who decided airline fares and how far hearts can travel? I know it hasn't been long, but I love you. Maybe not for long, maybe not forever, but right now I want you to be mine.
I wanna tell you how I feel, but I think you already know, so why ruin the show? I don't know if you even did love me if you'd ever have the guts to say it though. I'm sure I'll tell you someday if you don't. Maybe it'll end it all, but at least I'll finally get it off my chest. I just hate going into something knowing that I'll fail, that I'll end up alone, without you.
We can lie and say we'll be friends, but it never works that way. It's all or nothing, baby you and I. Yeah, that's from that one song by that one band. Yeah, it is, alright? Every song reminds me of you. I don't know what this is, this sick obsession with you. You're such an idiot, such a loser, just like he was, but that's why I love you. Maybe I'm not over him yet and I'm just making all the same mistakes. But you suck even more. This whole situation sucks a whole lot more!
But what am I to do? I know it's not going to work out anyway. Why make it last any longer than it has to? Then it'll just be more painful anyways. But I'm afraid that maybe it's just too soon, maybe you'll warm up to me some more. You told that one girl that I'm your good friend. But that's not enough for me. Are you being modest, or is that all I am? Can you handle losing me? I'm sure you can.
But then I get thinking, if I'm just some friend why do you send me hearts, saying you miss me? Sure Internet culture, sarcasm, whatever. Maybe it's bull s***, maybe it's not. I'm just pissed off right now. I'm tired of getting my hopes up, depending on you and when you decide to go to sleep. You're not much to look forward. We hardly even say anything. You don't really care. You never give me clear answers. You're ridiculous. Why the freak do I waste my time on you?
But it's not going to work out anyways, so what does it matter?

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