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Friday, March 2, 2012

What to do?

What do you do when your best friend finds a new best friend? I've had it that my former best friends didn't consider me their best friends, but this friend is just the greatest person and I love them more than anything and I don't think I'll ever be able to find anyone I could love anymore. I feel bad feeling jealous or whatever I'm feeling. My friend is happy. I like the other person she's now so close to. It's just that my friends have all these other friends that for some reason I've just never gotten to know. They put up with me, some of them invite me to stuff, but I think it's just because I'm friends with their friends. I don't want that kind of friendship. But I really don't have that many friends. It takes a lot for someone to be a friend in my mind. My best friend is pretty much my only real friend at school. It makes me sad to think about. She's the only one I feel comfortable around, being myself. Then I might have one other friend in the whole world, but I never even see her. These are just awful feelings. She deserves this friend. I wish I could just let it go, but I can't. I want to be her best friend. She'll always be mine.

I feel like we've been drifting apart for awhile, this year really. I haven't even known her two years though. But the short time I've known her, she's become my definition of friendship. We have everything in common and are almost like twins in the sense that we say the same things at the same time, we're always thinking the same things, and feeling the same. No one will ever be able to understand me like her. This year I just feel so stupid though. I talk a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I tell her everything. She knows so many details about my life. I feel like I'm just bothering her though, like I'm drowning her in my problems. Everyone likes her. No one really likes me. She can get out there and talk to people if she needs to. That's the difference between us. No one cares about me. Everyone loves her though. She's like the better version of me. Her stories are funnier, she's nicer, she's smarter, she has better style...she's just so much fun to be around! And me, I'm just a basket case. I'm so lucky to have a friend like her. Maybe this is my fault. Maybe I haven't appreciated her enough. All I know is that I can't lose her.

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