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Saturday, January 14, 2012

Beautiful Me

Today was an incredibly interesting day. But one part I'd like to focus on is how others saw something in me. One of my friends that I met up with today kept encouraging, telling me that I could face whatever challenges were to come my way. They genuinely wanted  me to do well. I don't get that often.
I'm really awkward in social situations. At one point I said something like, "I know, I'm no fun." Then they seriously said, "Oh, yeah, you're no fun: that's why I'm hanging out with you right now." Those are the type of things you remember when people say them. There's many memories from today that I think I'll remember for the rest of my life.
I'm an incredibly negative person. I'm always down on myself. I was saying how I wasn't very good at the guitar, and my friend said, "Hey, don't say you're not good!" They wouldn't even let me say it. People get angry at me for not believing in myself, for being so negative. They yell at me for apologizing, for talking too quietly, for not looking at them in the eyes. I always feel guilty after I'm called out. If they don't view me in the horrible ways I view myself, why should I?
Lately I've been incredibly blessed to be reconnecting with and making new friends. I've found someone I love, and I'm now able to confront and befriend former loves and have healthy friendships with them. Today I was reminded that there are people who believe in me. There are people who think I'm beautiful. There are people who enjoy being with me. Maybe those people aren't most of the people in the world, but if you think about it, it's pretty amazing for another human being to find any interest in little old you. I think about how lately people have told me I look good, thinner, beautiful, when I'm truly not. I look the same as I always have. I think about all these comments lately, the friends who've come to love me, and how they praise me with so many compliments, then I think about all the other kids at school, the kids who used to make fun of me. I recall all the years I've felt fat, ugly, and unworthy. I'm not. It's sad to think that my entire life I've believed all those people who made me feel crap. I've believed that I was crap. But not anymore. I'm beautiful and no one will tell me differently.

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1 comment:

Thoughts of any kind are appreciated!