Friday, July 13, 2012

My online life

I talk to people online all day, okay? It's been this way for years. It's how I spend my down time. I'm antisocial, don't have many friends, so I like to have some when I get home, you know? They either build me up or break me down, it's true. I get too attached. They live in different countries and are different ages. I don't need to be preached internet safety. I know what's safe and what's not. I know you shouldn't trust everyone, but after months of getting to know people and if they don't creep you out at all, you should probably be able to trust them. I'm not someone who's quick to trust. I take my time because I've been broken far too many times. It's true I fall easily. But this is my life. I fall time and time again, maybe I'll finally learn someday. These people are real to me. I spend half my day at least talking to them. Don't tell me they're not real. Just because you haven't met them doesn't mean that they're bad, they're creepers, they only want my body. Guess what, they live thousands of miles away! They're never gonna get anything! We're just friends! Why is it so hard to believe that two people who've never met, who may never, can be friends without being assumed that they're 50 year old perverts out to rape each other? Yeah, there are some sketchy people on the internet. That's true. I avoid them when I can. But these people, my friends, are not those people. I know them. Sometimes you're more of yourself in words than you appear to be in real life. Why do you have to take these dear people away from me? Why is it so hard to believe that someone else finds me intriguing and beautiful? Why does the age and location have to matter? You'd be fine if it was someone from school. But you don't know them. I know these people more than I'll ever know them. Maybe they'll break my heart, leave me someday. Maybe they'll ruin my life. I don't really know. But right now they basically are my life. I know it's not really healthy, that I should depend on myself, but I am weak and they make me feel stronger. Everyone needs someone. They are my someone. I know you're just trying to protect me, but seriously back the freak off. This is MY life. Maybe you're a part of it, but so are they. Maybe not in the same way. But they still are. You can't just take them away. I'll remember them forever. They're a part of me. Maybe I need this right now. You don't know what I've gone through. Maybe it's selfish, but let me have them. I'm not trying to spite anyone. This about me and only me. I'm not trying to lie or be dishonest. I'm just trying to survive.

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