Saturday, July 28, 2012

I don't even know, I don't want

I feel like crap and I don't really even know why. I guess I'm just sick of being yelled at by people. But then I'm sick of being left alone by others. I want to talk to people, but I've been so arrogant to think that they actually enjoy my presence, so now I'm stuck in loneliness since they're all sick of me. Maybe it's my own fault. I don't like who I am as a person, okay? But it's hard to change. I only want to talk to a few people, but the ironic thing is that they're all assholes. I keep living this life I don't enjoy. I never do anything.

I'm sick of poverty. I'm sick of mediocrity. I want a good job, I want to be a billionaire so frickin' bad, I wanna lived in a gated community and just stay there forever. But I'd feel guilty with all the money. And I wouldn't like my neighbors, they'd all be stuck-up and somehow more impressive than me. And I'm not even doing well with the opportunities I have right now, I'm a lazy bum, so it's highly unlikely that that will ever happen. But I'm sick of this suburban decay. Everything just keeps getting worse and worse. I need to get out of this town before it's too late. I'll be forced to see the same things everyday for the rest of my life. Making minimum wage. Meet some local guy I don't really love, but get married anyways. Send the kids to the school down the street. And they'll be trapped here forever too. Doesn't that just sound great? I don't want this. And I'm not even bad off. This is a good, clean town, yet I can't even handle it. So spoiled, but so deprived at the same time.

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