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Sunday, April 22, 2012

Take a Deep Breath and Say Goodbye

Ugh...*dramatic sigh* I just can't take this any longer. It's been going on for about a year now: me loving you, you acting like you might. Even though we've both admitted it since then, you treat me worse than ever. Have you lost your love for me? I hate blaming you when I know there's so much going wrong in your life, but you're putting me through hell. You said you'd wait for me. You're not doing anything to stay with me. I don't know if you're being this lazy because you think I'll just take it, or what. Maybe I'm high maintenance, but I really don't think I'm asking for much. I'm asking for you to be honest with me: to not lie. I'm asking you to be open with me: not acting, but actually being yourself. I'm asking you to care: talk more than 5 minutes a week. I really don't think I'm asking for much. And I hate blaming myself for all of your mistakes. I'm beautiful, and you don't appreciate me. You'll never find another me. Why don't you treasure me? You're wasting not only my time, but your own. I think we're both in this state where we're both so ugly and depressed that no one else wants us, but sorrow can't keep us together. You've given into yours, and I'm still dreaming of you finding happiness in me. But I'm not enough. That's the sad part. I'm not enough for you. And you're not enough for me.

If there was a way that I could make you know what I've been feeling this past year, I'd make you feel it. But I'm shy and slightly in awe of you, as stupid not only as it sounds, but as it is. We're both in this odd trance around each other. We don't want to disappoint. No. There I go again, giving you too much credit.
It's never gonna work out between you and me.

So why can't I just let go? Yeah, I'll be all alone. But we were friends before all this. We're some of each other's best friends. Want to know why I'm yours? I put up with your crap. That's the only reason why. That's the sad part.

I need to just lock the door and never look back. But I keep wanting to give you another chance. It seems we're just getting to know each other after nearing 4 years. We're 7/8 under the surface. There's so much we could've done, but you've just been such a coward. I was going to say that that's our problem, we're cowards, but no. This is really your fault, not mine.

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