What I Have

I was saying how I had hardly any friends the other day. Then I decided to count and I had quite a few! I have more friends than I've ever had, yet I complain about hardly having any. Some of them I don't talk to that often, which is what it is. But then I feel like a lot of them I don't know that well. I define true friendship differently than others might. Like, I wrote in one girl's yearbook once that I hoped to get to know her more the next year, and then she wrote in mine that she was glad she had gotten to know me. I still feel like I hardly know her...true friendship in my mind requires being able to hold deep conversations together. That's hard to find these days. I'm constantly surrounded by people who aren't the handful of people I can somewhat consider friends. This gets me down as I see everyone else who has no problem getting along with everyone. Everyone laughs and appears to be friends with everyone while I stand alone. I feel like a lot of the people I know aren't going to be there for me down the road or already aren't, but they're what I have. I should be grateful. I don't want to just leave them, but I think I want to take the risk to find more, better friends. I get discouraged easily. I know that there's still good people out there, but I just don't end up getting to know the people I want to and am surrounded by people I don't care for. Why is it like this? I suppose I just have to accept that it's a challenge God has given me.