A Better Day: Morals

Today I didn't feel to depressed. Sure, there were lonely and insecure moments, but there always are. My friends' support was still there. Things are looking up, though still no where near perfect, but they're on the way to making sense. I talked to a couple people today, which is big for me, though only for a little bit. As long as I make progress it's a good day. Sometimes I feel so unworthy and ugly compared to other people, but I know I'm not. If I believe in myself people will come to respect me. Things are the way they are because of me. It's my own fault, it always has been. There's no use blaming others, you have to take responsibility for your own life.
I've been reading about "morality" the past couple days. Morals are the values you hold that you use to make the decisions that form who you are. It's time to find better morals. It's about taking who you are and looking at who you want to be. You can never be anyone but yourself though. You can always improve yourself though. There's always going to be an imperfection. You just need to give life your best shot, and you'll be alright.

A Tearful Day With A Happy Ending

So today has been a horrible day for me. I don't think I've ever really cried in public, but I did today. I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle my new burdens and challenges, but I feel better now. My friends have consoled me. I put up a status on Facebook I was so depressed. I'm not one to share my feelings with the world, but today I just felt the need. I don't like to cry out for attention like that, but I guess I did today, and I do feel better. It's great to hear from friends you sort of forgot about, tell you that they love and care about you. There's hard times ahead, but maybe with my friends' support I'll be able to make it through. The people who cheer you up when you're down are your true friends.
I'll keep fighting.

Back...

So it was back to the real world for me today. I love seeing and being around people, but at the same time I sort of can't stand it. I love seeing smiles and genuine friendship and meaningful conversations, but when I see people gossiping and mocking each other I just lose it. What bothers me the most is when I will be sitting in a religious service and obnoxious kids will sing ridiculously ruining great hymns of praise. Everything is a joke to some people. Ugh, all I can do is try to find the good in people and be the best person I can be. It's time to worry about myself, not others.

Oh, Well, Still Good

"Disappointments are just God's way of saying: 'I've got something better for you.' "
Haha, this quote would have been good the other day, but is still true nonetheless.

Once Again With Compliments And Positivity

Today I was trying on a dress and the lady that ran the store said it looked very cute on me, and then said so again once I was leaving the store. Just that simple comment brightened my day. So once again I encourage myself and all of you to encourage each other with positive advice and responses!
It's interesting how if you're at a store and the people working there are happy, you tend to feel happy too, and want to come back. If they're not, you don't feel welcome. I try to excuse people though, it's not easy work being happy and working. It's just really a delight when you run across happy people though, it truly is.

Just...eh

Well, he didn't remember, he didn't care, it didn't bother him at all. That's that. He's not worth it. I've always known that. I have to hope, I have to dream though. He's just made me realize that this is reality. He doesn't care that much about me. He can say he does, but he really doesn't. He'll talk to me when he has time, and I guess that'll just have to be enough. I really didn't want this to bother me so much. What I thought was going to happen, happened. Why is this so hard? So I'll smile at him and say it's fine while I cry inside, knowing that it's not. I don't even feel guilty this time about his excuses. This was really on him, it's his fault, not mine. I don't feel guilty, I just feel disappointed...I'm disappointed that I wasted my summer on him and that this is how it had to end.
He's just a boy, just a boy. I'll be strong, I'll hold on, I'll move on.

Let Down

 Dear (insert name here),
You've really disappointed me this time. You gave me your word, you sounded so sure, you talked this up. But then you didn't make any effort. You failed me. Again. Time flies by, I thought you'd know this by now.
"What did you do today?"
"Nothing, just wasting time."
Is wasting time more important than spending time with me, responding to me, one of your "closest" friends?
Now our time is up, and I know I should give up on you, but somehow you always pull me back in. I feel guilty for blaming you every time. But this is really on you this time. I wasn't the one making promises I couldn't keep.
"I can't forgive myself if I don't make it up to you!"
You're going to be feeling guilty for quite a while now, aren't you, that is if you even remember that you said that to me.
I know that you're scatter-brained, but you're driving me insane. How many more excuses can I make for you? It's time you keep your promises or don't make them, figure out what your priorities are.
I won't let this be the end though, you matter too much to me, so I'll let this go, but I'll never forget. A miracle could still turn this around for you, but I hadn't expected much to begin with, I can't let myself with you. It'll be okay though. It's not the end of the world. This isn't the end of us yet.
Sincerely,
Me