Sunday, April 15, 2012
Simply a high society world I can never understand because I was never born into, but somehow thrown into. That's why I'm an outcast.
But even now I know it's just an excuse. But it's a fairly legit excuse...
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Meticulous
So I'm really tired and stressed out. Our midtri project for web page design is coming up. Our instructor's been gone and he didn't tell us when it's due. I'm pretty sure it won't be due for days if not a week, but because I'm me I'm just finishing it for Monday. I've already spent pretty much the entire day working on it, all of Friday night, and even Thursday too. I don't even want to think about how much work I've put into it. I've even started over. I've changed everything a million times. And it's not even done yet. There's a lot of things I still need to add. But there's things we haven't even learned yet that we need to incorporate. So obviously it can't be due Monday...but what if it is? So I'll be like done on Monday and no one else will be and that's just lame. Just typical me. I have to say, I'm proud of my work though. I taught myself a lot of stuff this weekend and it actually looks pretty professional. But I've just spent so much dang time on it and I know it's just an assignment, that no one else is going to spent the amount of time I have. But I really like designing web pages and I want to do my best. Why is that such a bad thing? Why am I so stressed out?! Ugh! I guess I just feel like I've wasted a ton of time that I could've been working on my novel during or doing my homework that I actually know when it's due. Ughhhh, I create my own problems. I'm so stupid!
I feel like I need to get away from my computer. But I practically live on my computer. I need to get away from this stupid project that's consuming my life. But I live on my computer.
I mean, I did go on a walk, but that only takes up a little chunk of time. I've practiced guitar already. I watched an hour of anime. I've gone on my usual websites. I worked a bit on my novel. I did everything I would've wanted to do today really, but I just spent so much time on that stupid project...I really don't know what my problem is at this point. I wish I had more time this weekend, but I've had a pretty full day. But it feels empty for some reason. It's just been a terrible week. I've lost it a few times. I'm realllllllyyyyy stressed about everything. Maybe it's better to be stressed out about projects than other things. But I've just been freaking out all week and it's been terrible. Probably one of the worst weeks better. Friday was better until I began obsessing over this project. I'm not as stressed about other things, now I'm more stressed about this project. But I'm still stressed about the other things.
I'm rambling.
I know.
I need to get rid of this stress though! I've been so stressed I haven't even been all that ticked off at the person I usually spend at least 50% of my energy worrying about, missing, hating, and what not. It's been an odd lonely week. I've spent in wallowing in stress. It's been awful. I just have to say that.
http://antiworldnews.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/the-brain-6-lessons-for-handling-stress/
I feel like I need to get away from my computer. But I practically live on my computer. I need to get away from this stupid project that's consuming my life. But I live on my computer.
I mean, I did go on a walk, but that only takes up a little chunk of time. I've practiced guitar already. I watched an hour of anime. I've gone on my usual websites. I worked a bit on my novel. I did everything I would've wanted to do today really, but I just spent so much time on that stupid project...I really don't know what my problem is at this point. I wish I had more time this weekend, but I've had a pretty full day. But it feels empty for some reason. It's just been a terrible week. I've lost it a few times. I'm realllllllyyyyy stressed about everything. Maybe it's better to be stressed out about projects than other things. But I've just been freaking out all week and it's been terrible. Probably one of the worst weeks better. Friday was better until I began obsessing over this project. I'm not as stressed about other things, now I'm more stressed about this project. But I'm still stressed about the other things.
I'm rambling.
I know.
I need to get rid of this stress though! I've been so stressed I haven't even been all that ticked off at the person I usually spend at least 50% of my energy worrying about, missing, hating, and what not. It's been an odd lonely week. I've spent in wallowing in stress. It's been awful. I just have to say that.
http://antiworldnews.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/the-brain-6-lessons-for-handling-stress/
Thursday, April 12, 2012
More of the Worst
More of the Worst by Playradioplay!
(It's just that kind of day)
But seriously, his music always fits what I'm going through. He's my favorite musician. This is the song that fits me today. I'm pretty stressed out, but his music always calms me. It always strikes just the right balance. Dan, you'll never know how much I appreciate your music. Thanks. I mean it.
"Prices and tooth decay
It doesn't even matter every single day
Disturbing the frequencies
While sailing the seven seas
Oh oh oh...
Listen and you might hear
A sudden cease of laughter
No smile from ear to ear
Distorting the spectral waves
Liscenses and bills to pay
Oh oh oh...
Rebound and consequence
Braces and the money spent
Concerts and gravity
Reports on tendencies
Oh oh oh...
Watchdogs, electric fence
Private school and money spent
Oh boy I've been told
When I grow old
I'll be alone
But you must agree.
'Cause it's too late
And you can't win
One full year
There's still more
Secret lies and tour whores
I won't sit still, oh no.
She fits in so well.
Unaware of what you've done
(It's just that kind of day)
But seriously, his music always fits what I'm going through. He's my favorite musician. This is the song that fits me today. I'm pretty stressed out, but his music always calms me. It always strikes just the right balance. Dan, you'll never know how much I appreciate your music. Thanks. I mean it.
"Prices and tooth decay
It doesn't even matter every single day
Disturbing the frequencies
While sailing the seven seas
Oh oh oh...
Listen and you might hear
A sudden cease of laughter
No smile from ear to ear
Distorting the spectral waves
Liscenses and bills to pay
Oh oh oh...
Rebound and consequence
Braces and the money spent
Concerts and gravity
Reports on tendencies
Oh oh oh...
Watchdogs, electric fence
Private school and money spent
Oh boy I've been told
When I grow old
I'll be alone
But you must agree.
'Cause it's too late
And you can't win
One full year
There's still more
Secret lies and tour whores
I won't sit still, oh no.
She fits in so well.
Unaware of what you've done
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
These Doomed Conversations
I'm sick of these doomed conversations.
I know you're not going to talk to me today.
You talked to me yesterday.
Never could it happen two days in a row.
Maybe in one more day you'll talk to me, but I really doubt it.
Within the next five days for sure though.
Then you might start to miss me.
I hate this. I want to talk to you so badly all the time. I'd do almost absolutely anything for you. I love you so much. But then a lot of the time I think about how much I hate you, how much pain you cause me, how much I put up with for you, and you have no idea. I doubt you feel the same about me, but then you always make me feel like the bad guy when I say this isn't working out. You don't want to lose me.
You talk to me almost on a schedule, days spread apart. It's like something to check of your to-do list. I'm sick of it! I look forward to hearing from you so much, but it only ends in disappointment. It's a crappy conversation. I know it is. And I know I'll want to cry over it the minute it's over and all of the next days to come.
Why do we even do this?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/theodoraa/5869342304/
I know you're not going to talk to me today.
You talked to me yesterday.
Never could it happen two days in a row.
Maybe in one more day you'll talk to me, but I really doubt it.
Within the next five days for sure though.
Then you might start to miss me.
I hate this. I want to talk to you so badly all the time. I'd do almost absolutely anything for you. I love you so much. But then a lot of the time I think about how much I hate you, how much pain you cause me, how much I put up with for you, and you have no idea. I doubt you feel the same about me, but then you always make me feel like the bad guy when I say this isn't working out. You don't want to lose me.
You talk to me almost on a schedule, days spread apart. It's like something to check of your to-do list. I'm sick of it! I look forward to hearing from you so much, but it only ends in disappointment. It's a crappy conversation. I know it is. And I know I'll want to cry over it the minute it's over and all of the next days to come.
Why do we even do this?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/theodoraa/5869342304/
People Suck
People majorly suck. But you can't give them the satisfaction of falling into depression because of them. You have to be strong and smile, even if it's just to piss them off.
http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/11/14/to-get-hate-speech-off-campus-cal-state-students-wield-title-ix/mean-people-suck/
http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/11/14/to-get-hate-speech-off-campus-cal-state-students-wield-title-ix/mean-people-suck/
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
For Myself
Sometimes you just need to do things for yourself.
So I wrote a poem, I poured out my heart, how I was feeling and I put it online. No one seemed to even read it. I mean, that's kinda disheartening, I really wanted people to read it and be like "Hey, you're right!"
It was an uplifting poem. I don't write those everyday.
It was actually good. Not that usual crap.
But whatever.
I needed to write it for myself.
I needed to put it out there. To take that chance.
It was about people caring, just not being able to show it.
They care. They just don't know how to show it.
I'll love them anyways. The world is a sad, confused, place. Right now I'll just have it out there for myself and for anyone else who might read it and benefit from it, but remain silent because of all our social tendencies and cliques.
It's sorta like blogging.
You do it for yourself.
You can't do it for the numbers.
They won't come.
They just won't.
So do it for yourself.
http://www.thelifeblast.com/payment.html
So I wrote a poem, I poured out my heart, how I was feeling and I put it online. No one seemed to even read it. I mean, that's kinda disheartening, I really wanted people to read it and be like "Hey, you're right!"
It was an uplifting poem. I don't write those everyday.
It was actually good. Not that usual crap.
But whatever.
I needed to write it for myself.
I needed to put it out there. To take that chance.
It was about people caring, just not being able to show it.
They care. They just don't know how to show it.
I'll love them anyways. The world is a sad, confused, place. Right now I'll just have it out there for myself and for anyone else who might read it and benefit from it, but remain silent because of all our social tendencies and cliques.
It's sorta like blogging.
You do it for yourself.
You can't do it for the numbers.
They won't come.
They just won't.
So do it for yourself.
http://www.thelifeblast.com/payment.html
I AM A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD
The devil cannot defeat me!
People cannot disillusion me!
Weather cannot weary me!
Sickness cannot stop me!
Money cannot buy me!
Governments cannot silence me!
And hell cannot handle me!
I AM A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD!
-the Bible presented by United Bible Societies
http://www.myfatherschild.net/
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