What now...2012

I think that in this upcoming year I really just want to strengthen my sense of who I am and what I believe. I really just want to be myself with paying little attention to what people think. I know that there are a few people out there who truly love me for who I am. It's possible to be loved for who you are. If you have the love and support you need, why should you care about what anyone else thinks?

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/positive-thinking-discussions/general-support/2696135-seven-steps-to-loving-yourself

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/love-yourself-quotes

My Top Bands of 2011

10 bands I've listened to quite a bit in 2011:


10. Owl City

http://www.clubzone.com/events/490540/washington-dc/9:30-nightclub/owl-city

9. LIGHTS

http://www.dose.ca/Interview+Lights+Finds+Siberia/5507392/story.html

8. Aaron Gillespie

http://www.myfourmonkeys.com/2011/04/anthem-song-debut-solo-album-from-aaron-gillespie/

7. Eleventyseven

http://jesusportal.net/downloads/music/contemporary-pop/print:page,1,505902-eleventyseven-sugarfist-2011.html

6. Analog Rebellion

http://www.rollogrady.com/artist-to-watch-analog-rebellion/

5. Swimming With Dolphins

http://katiejrod-swimmingwithdolphins.buzznet.com/user/photos/

4. No Doubt

http://clubnotes.pmpblogs.com/national-acts/no-doubt-no-doubt-announces-one-of-the-first-summer-shows-at-denvers-fiddlers-green/

3. Playradioplay!

http://www.sweetslyrics.com/PlayRadioPlay!.html

2. Gwen Stefani

http://stylenews.peoplestylewatch.com/2011/01/13/gwen-stefani-spokesmodel-face-of-loreal/

1. Family Force 5

(http://www.flickriver.com/photos/toothandnailrecords/6192164875/)


What about you? You like any of these bands?

Once you experience the emotion of love, you can't survive without it. You can't feel whole. People go out in the world acting heartlessly, like it doesn't matter, and it just doesn't make sense. Love makes the world go on whether we acknowledge it or not.

Halfway through the first battle

Tonight everything I love and care about was spit upon, pushed to the side, degraded. I was made a criminal, not for lying, but for being quiet. All these common stereotypes and fears are controlling everybody. They're making them look down upon me and what I love. They don't understand. They think they're doing what's best for me. I understand. But is leaving me to weep all alone and to tear down all my hopes and dreams really what's best for me? Finally I found what I was looking for, but now I'm not allowed to have it.

Don't be ashamed to like the things you do.
Don't be ashamed of the things you've done.
Don't be ashamed of the things you've said.
They're in the past, you're stronger now.
Every second has created who you are today.
Don't worry about whether it's cool or not,
do, enjoy, what makes you happy.
Most things come and go.

Lovely Christmas

It's crazy when at those moments in your life when you're in such an intense relationship, whether it be friendship or more, and you can miss someone who freely misses you in return.

Love: a feeling of mutual concern and hope for the best of another. 

Moments apart feel like years.
Smiles appear on your face just thinking about them.
They make you happy.

New Friend:
You understand me
You like the same quirky things as me
You put up with shopping with me for hours
You're inspired by me
You trust me
You speak your mind
I admire you

Look past the outward appearance, see into the heart

The Truth

I strongly urge you to take a few minutes to watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDep-KMxXAE
It's long, but worthwhile. There's so much in it, I know you'll hear something you need to hear. Aaron's a favorite musician and an inspiration to me. But even if you don't know who Aaron is, that's okay. The message is what matters.
(It's of course not my video =P )

I've done and said a lot of stupid crap over the years, but now it's time to be real.

A Stupid Thing To Ruin a Day

So you never responded to my text...and that bothers me.
I don't want to have to tell you care. I don't want to have to tell you to listen. I just don't understand this. You say how valuable I am to you, yet I'm stuck with this lack of respect. I ask about you. I ask about you all the time. Occasionally you'll ask about me. But if I bring something about myself up when you haven't asked, well that's the end of our conversation. What is this? Please tell me. We can't keep going on this way.

Well a lot, a lot, a lot has happened since I posted last. A lot is still up in the air and I don't think I'll have anything figured out for quite a while, but that's okay. The days ahead will be challenging in ways I can't even yet imagine, but I just hope and pray that it will be worth it.
The good thing though is that today was a good day. I read my speech for some of my newer friends and colleagues who complimented my abilities. It was to my amusement that when I read by speech to the group that in my feedback two ladies expressed how they turned to look at each other because they were so shocked with the content that I was reading. It was angry --- it was adult, it was real, it wasn't the me they were used to. I have to laugh at this. Maybe I can't identify to every line of the piece, but I certainly can relate. I certainly get quite angry. It's odd. The me that most people know is shy, sweet, smart, and innocent. I've been told many times, countless times, throughout my entire life by various people that they can't even imagine the idea of me being angry. The irony in this is that I'm always angry, it's hard to contain myself. I have a killer poker face though. It gets me through, but not much more. I love that through speech you can become something that you don't appear to other people --- yourself. I mean, you can take on other personalities as well. You make people wonder. It's fun.
I was told by a colleague that they consider me a friend. It didn't come as a surprise, but it's still great to hear. People don't talk to me often, and when I have light-hearted complimentary conversation, it fills me with joy.
Okay, I need to apologize for this tone now...I've been reading Frankenstein.
Have you ever noticed that people are either incredibly real or fake on the internet? Honestly most of my friends I've made or have become better friends with, due to the internet. You get a good idea of what people are like through it. I was shocked to hear that a colleague of mine who I'd never even really talked to before that I didn't particularly like, tell me that they thought I was exceptionally bright, kind, and they wished to get to know me more in the future. The way they worded it just really made me happy. It's been a day filled with compliments, how can one not be happy?!